Published: October 06, 2008 09:56 am            

COLUMN: The false promises of Hill Valley

I bought a car last year. It doesn’t fly. It doesn’t even hover. Don’t get me wrong, I like it. But when I think of things that could be — nay, the things that should be? What a shame.

Where is my hoverboard? And for that matter, where are my shoes with power laces? We’re only seven years away from 2015 and I haven’t read anything about such technological developments, let alone seen anything like them.

As with many science fiction films, “Back to the Future Part II” creates a future world and, in doing so, it imagines many new technological advances that might be used in our everyday future lives.

Of course, science fiction shouldn’t be lambasted for its “guesses” at the future. Great science-fiction or dystopian works don’t lose their luster once we pass the year of their setting (I’m guessing few people lost any respect or adoration for George Orwell when the ball dropped on 1984). But it’s still fun to look at that denoted future year when you get there — are we really benefiting from any of these created advances?

As a child, no sci-fi movie captured my imagination like 1989's screwy sequel to “Back to the Future.” Sure, there were the memorable characters and fun plot based around a sports almanac, but when I was young, the biggest draw was the future technology in the film.

In Hill Valley circa 2015, there are jackets that dry themselves, giant hologram ads, picture phones (they must have used the Internet in some way) and shoes with power laces.

The jackets seem a bit dangerous and maybe a bit impractical, but I think someone could pull them off, perhaps with battery power. They wouldn’t work as well as the “BTTF II” jackets, though.

The giant hologram ads actually look a bit cheesy now, though I wouldn’t complain if a holographic Jaws bit me while I was walking down the street. After a while, we’d all complain about the invasiveness of the ads, at least until we got used to them.

Picture phones, however, seem to have been passed by because of the rise of cell phones. Why sit down in one place and stare at someone when you can talk wherever you are? Do you really need to see the person on the other end of the line? Web cams almost do what picture phones do, anyway. Alas, picture phones, we never knew ye.

The shoes with power laces definitely seem doable at this point. There’s no excuse for not having those. The shoe companies still try to impress us with their fancy air pockets. When was the last great leap in shoe technology, not including those wheels in kids’ shoes? The Pump?

You can do better, shoe companies. A small battery that tightens shoes around your feet doesn’t seem all that crazy. Let’s make it happen.

All of these inventions and innovations would be great, but there’s one such item in “BTTF II” that stands above all. It’s a mode of transportation that completely captured the imagination of children all over the world. Of course, I’m talking about the hoverboard.

When I was in elementary school, fellow kids on the bus would talk about when hoverboards might be available. “They should be around by 1998,” I distinctly remember one kid saying. That must have seemed so far away at the time. But it’s come and gone, leaving us with absolutely no hoverboards.

Even “BTTF II” director Robert Zemeckis claimed that hoverboards were real back when the film was released. Of course, he was joking, but he still gave us all that inkling of hope.

Now it’s 2008. Ten years after the wild claim of that anonymous young Nostradamus and only seven years away from 2015, the year in which a good deal of “BTTF II” took place, we don’t seem any closer to hoverboards. Can’t we, as a people, make a push to start working harder on this hoverboard technology?

Please. Toy companies, automotive companies, mechanical geniuses working out of their garages and all the other crazy dreamers left in this world, let’s get together and make this happen.

I believe we can fly. Or at least hover.

        

• Click to discuss this story with other readers on our forums.