Niagara Gazette

Local News

January 11, 2013

ROOT: He ain't heavy, he's my hockey league


Niagara Gazette — Yeah, I know there are other hockey leagues I could be friends with, and I actually have some very good acquaintances that are hockey leagues. I like the AHL from time to time, and I have even knocked back a few with the KHL. But the NHL is that friend that you get completely drunk with and then wind up in a Canadian jail for reasons that are still unclear. When you wake up on the cell bench, you can see the NHL sitting in the corner of the cell, smiling. “I have no idea what happened,” the NHL tells you. “Besides, you were driving.”

I suppose I could find other hockey leagues that don’t take me for granted all the time and that understand how hard I work for my money. But those leagues are so boring. When the NHL enters a room, he commands attention. The NHL has charisma oozing from every pore of his body. Everyone, whether they admit it or not, wants to be able to say that they are close friends with the NHL. But there are only a few of us that really understand what it means to be friends with such a conceited and unfeeling hockey league.

Besides, the NHL is not a complete monster. When the October storm took out the power in half of Western New York, the NHL did a silly dance and made us forget all about the weather. Our basements may have been flooding, but we were all happy to hang out with the NHL for the night.

When a plane crashed into a residential neighborhood and killed innocent people, the NHL put his arm around Western New York and made us feel a little better. Yeah, it was just a hockey game, but it gave us something to cheer about when all we really wanted to do was cry.

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