Greater Niagara Newspapers
October 23, 2007 12:20 pm
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“They say the most demanding, difficult, impossible people are the very ones who need love the most,” sighed an old chum of mine who’s on her fourth divorce.
You’d think I was hobnobbing with the Hollywood jet set, having a friend with such a screwed-up love life. She’s really pretty remarkable in the other areas of her life though.
“Why do I find them all — the losers?” she lamented.
“Because you’re stupid,” I replied. “Maybe I should retract that. Haven’t you ever heard of the book, ‘Smart Women, Foolish Choices?’ It’s about women who keep attracting the same old, same old, and therein lays the problem. You’re dealing with the same issues only with different faces. You probably could marry a million times and it wouldn’t stick because (a) you rope in the weirdoes, (2) you don’t constructively deal with your own faults and insecurities and (c) you maybe were meant for the religious or single life.”
“Strike that c part,” she insisted. “And how do you know about that book, ‘Foolish Women, Dumb Choices?’”
“’That’s Smart Women, Foolish Choices’, get it right, will ya? Well, that book certainly wasn’t given to me by my grandmother, mother, aunts, sisters, cousins and girlfriends, if that’s what you’re thinking. Look, you’re the one on her fourth failure, not I. Sorry, guess nobody likes their mistakes flaunted in their tear-streaked faces.”
“Or their inadequacies,” she sighed. “About that religious life, God knows I’m not good enough to be married to Him, but He sure thinks some measly mortal will do. Why do we women feel we must have a man to feel complete?”
“Blame Cinderella, Snow White and Rapunzel — its all their fault. We’re programmed as little girls to believe that our lives aren’t worth a plug nickel until our ‘Prince Charming’ comes along to ‘rescue’ us. It’s mighty strange how we never know what happened to those three co-dependency dopes’ ‘happily ever after lives.”
“What life?” she asked. “Back when Grimms Fairy Tales was written people dropped dead at around 35. Who couldn’t put up with their mate’s quirks for that short period of time?”
I nodded. “It’s sure not like today with people living to be in their 80s, 90s, even in their 100s and are married 60, 70 years. How hard is that?” I gasped.
“I’ll never know, given my age. The best I can hope for is maybe 10, 15 years together and that’s if we meet and marry by tomorrow,” she had the nerve to laugh.
It amazed me that she would even consider going back a fifth time to set herself up for heartache. She’s either a masochist, insane or has real stamina. Poor darling, she desperately longs for someone or something to satisfy her needs, but who the heck doesn’t? Why do we place such darn importance on what others think and say to us and about us? Sure we want to be accepted, but shouldn’t we ourselves first accept our own selves? For some that’s a life-long process and just when we’re feeling pretty good about our self-worth — wham! We’re kicked in the gut, our hearts are crushed, and while we have more resiliency than we might realize, we’re reminded of how fragile we really are.
I know now why Cinderella’s slippers were made of glass and shattered. It’s symbolic of broken lives, and she, just like the rest of us, didn’t, and we aren’t, living ‘happily ever after.’ But I’m sure given it the old college try; how about you?
Karen White-Walker is a Wilson resident. Her column appears every Tuesday.
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