Published: September 25, 2007 02:52 pm      

WHITE-WALKER: Ben Gay and Beano

You just know when you’re getting ‘up there,’ and for some people, it IS a million laughs, especially if you hang around with…..well, you’ll see.

Recently I was playing my weekly round robin Euchre card game — not even worth writing about UNTIL the louse who was my partner asked me if I wouldn’t mind leaning a little more to the left because, and get this, I was blocking his view.

“What view?” I asked. “We’re in some non-descriptive joint with sticky tables, a tacky floor and grimy non see through windows. You get a view from atop a mountain or wading in a babbling brook,” I added.

“Those aren’t exactly molehills I’m lookin’ at,” this dreadfully distracted dealer exclaimed.

I’m a curious sort so I turned and there she was — a good 30 years his junior, and I’ve seen more clothing material on a Barbie doll. I don’t judge anybody, but I must concede that men will be men and they don’t really stop gawking until they’re dead. But it made me stop and think, why the heck don’t I command such attention? Surely it couldn’t be that I was 40 years older, 40 pounds heavier and a victim of prejudice?

“Come to think of it,” I sighed aloud, “I can’t remember the last time a man whistled at me.”

Why does a woman subconsciously set herself up? That drooling drip who kept misdealing and dropping all the cards diverted his ogling in my direction — wow, that was different, but I wasn’t flattered.

“If some guy ever whistled at you now, a woman your age, his false teeth probably would go flying.”

I swear, the jerk must have thought that he belonged on the comedy circuit because he laughed so hard his beer started oozing out of his nostrils. I’m a compassionate sort, but it served him right. Personally I think an over-flowing nose robs any man of that ‘little something’ that some women might find attractive. My gender should never ever hear, “A woman your age.” We might look and sound like candidates for Ben Gay and Beeno, but that doesn’t mean that INSIDE we don’t still feel like that young pretty girl who aspired to marry a man who would make her feel young and pretty — always. I guess that only happens when we make our own husbands still feel handsome and virile. But what happens if some men didn’t start out that way? Hey, how do you think that saying ‘love is blind’ originated?

Gravity sure does a number on older people, doesn’t it? I mean, eventually everything, and I mean everything, sags, even our spirits if we dwell on what used to be or what might have been. Of course older people must live in the moment — we’re not even sure of the next few minutes. Who is? It’s a privilege to grow old for just think of the ones who never got that far. Ah, to never know the thrill of getting a senior citizen discount. To make others wonder when you toss your thinning hair — does she or doesn’t she? And how about flashing that million dollar smile — literally. You think all that dental work is cheap? But we can’t concentrate on just our outer appearances; we must water inside our withering wants. Yes, we should all be grateful that we can still sit up and take nourishment. So what if Beeno and Ben Gay keep beaconing to us. It’s still a pretty terrific world — don’t block my view.

Karen White-Walker is a Wilson resident. Her column appears every Tuesday.