Published: October 06, 2009 04:19 pm      

ETIQUETTE: Maintain manners in public

The duke of Windsor once wrote, “Courtesy and manners serve as a lubricating oil that helps keep human relations from becoming unbearable on this ever more densely populated globe.

“The closer people are thrown together, the more they must respect one another.”

This is never more true than when we are out and about at public venues, where proper courtesies can do wonders in preventing tension.

Here, we will cover some of the basic but essential skills needed to navigate the waters of modern public living, including negotiating necessary evils of contemporary life that nobody likes.

The first reality of public life in modern society is the queue line that everyone will encounter will encounter at bus stops, restaurants, theaters, stores, etc. They are unavoidable, and we should accept this and deal with it properly.

The rules of the queue line are simple. The latest arrivals must go to the end of the line and never cut (this is rude, not to mention the fact that it could start a riot). When in a line to enter something, never push your way in. Complaining about having to wait is never appreciated by others. Smoking in line should be avoided.

Escalators are another form of public transit, so to speak, where the rules are simple but seldom followed. If you want to stand on an escalator, stand on the right side. The people who prefer to walk can do so on the left side of the steps. When exiting an escalator, do not stand in the way. Exit the area to allow space for others to leave.

Once upon a time, it was the custom for men accompanying women down the street to walk on the street side so as to protect them from traffic and splashes. I still agree with this custom. If a gentleman is thoughtful enough to observe this courtesy, the lady should be polite enough to allow it.

If you are in a group of people walking down the sidewalk, do not walk in a line abreast. This blocks the passage of others. This courtesy should also be observed in a crowded mall or other corridor.

In the case of a car or taxi, a man should open the door for a woman, see that she gets in, then close the door, walk around the car and get in the driver’s side. If the woman is driving, extend the same courtesy and proceed to the passenger’s side. When boarding public transit, allow ladies to go first, as well as the elderly. When disembarking, the gentlemen should go first to be able to give a hand to others.

One should note that it is discourteous and pointless to berate the driver of the bus if it is late. With traffic the way it is, it is likely not their fault.

Good manners have long demanded that a gentleman should open a door for a lady or elderly person, and that a younger man should hold the door for an older man. I still hold to this.

One should beware, though, in crowded areas where opening the door will make you the de facto doorman. In such cases, it is best to hold the door open for a companion and the go through yourself. When walking through a swinging door, hold the door until the next person can take hold of it. It is rude to let toe door go in their face.

A civilized person recognizes that every person has a right to privacy, even in public, and for this reason disruptive behavior of any kind is a breakdown of good manners. If, however, an altercation occurs because of a difference of opinion or a sense of frustration that leads to rude behavior, the victim should try to let the matter drop. If you find you can’t, deal with it in a firm, calm and dispassionate manner, and then move on.

An anonymous person once said, “Civility is never more evident than in its absence.” No truer words were ever spoken.

Contact John Bourdage through his Web site, bourdageconsulting.com.