Niagara Gazette

Columns

August 17, 2013

LETTERS FROM THE ISLAND: Newspaper clippings that keep us reading

Niagara Gazette — Dear Mainland Nit-Pickers — Nicole once fired this at Doug one wintry morning downstate: “How come you’re always reading the paper, Grand-Dad.” Doug’s reply: “Well, for one thing, to learn as I just did, that they’ve got a special on downhill tubing at Toggenburg today. Wanna’ go?”

We’re still not sure she’s convinced, but it sure was fun.

Maybe the same pertains on the dreaded Internet, we’ll never know, but even the smallest item can provide a moment’s merriment. Years ago, saw this one in a Florida weekly’s police report:

1234 Gulf of Mexico Dr., topless woman sunbathing. Foreign visitor advised of local customs.

Obviously, we don’t get a lot of this locally, but here are some recent citations:

From a weekly paper’s classified ads – Flip cell phones (2) — $45 for both or $20 each. (Doug’ll take one, and so will Polly).

From the police blotter as reprinted in a Buffalo weekly — Unknown person(s) did take his refrigerator, and stove. Person(s) also left bathroom sink faucet on. (You don’t have to be Rick Pfeiffer to sleuth this one out. Unless Superman has gone rogue, we’re betting on multiple miscreants).

From the sheriff’s report as reprinted in a weekly — Staley Road, reckless operation – Deputies were flagged down by a passing motorist who stated a Niagara Frontier Transportation Authority bus was traveling in the wrong direction on South State Parkway. Deputies located the bus and advised the driver who stated he was unfamiliar with his route. (Perhaps he thought he was on Gulf of Mexico Drive. Anyway, we hope this validates somebody’s excuse for getting home late.

From the same sheriff’s report — Generic Lane, larceny — A complainant stated that, sometime in recent hours, someone stole stereo speakers from his yard. The speakers were located after the complainant spoke to a family member, who had taken them to help the complainant transport them. (Now we DO need Rick Pfeiffer. It seems as if somebody asked for help, got it, then called the fuzz.)

And finally ... From another sheriff’s report — A complainant stated that an unfamiliar male subject was knocking on his door. When the complainant did not answer, the male subject began to walk back to his vehicle. Deputies located the subject and determined that he was delivering the local newspaper ...

And that’s the state of crime in our Island paradise.

Come visit. Bring a lawyer ...

E-mail Polly and Doug at pollyndoug@hotmail.com

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