Niagara Gazette

Columns

August 17, 2013

LETTERS FROM THE ISLAND: Newspaper clippings that keep us reading

Niagara Gazette — Dear Mainland Nit-Pickers — Nicole once fired this at Doug one wintry morning downstate: “How come you’re always reading the paper, Grand-Dad.” Doug’s reply: “Well, for one thing, to learn as I just did, that they’ve got a special on downhill tubing at Toggenburg today. Wanna’ go?”

We’re still not sure she’s convinced, but it sure was fun.

Maybe the same pertains on the dreaded Internet, we’ll never know, but even the smallest item can provide a moment’s merriment. Years ago, saw this one in a Florida weekly’s police report:

1234 Gulf of Mexico Dr., topless woman sunbathing. Foreign visitor advised of local customs.

Obviously, we don’t get a lot of this locally, but here are some recent citations:

From a weekly paper’s classified ads – Flip cell phones (2) — $45 for both or $20 each. (Doug’ll take one, and so will Polly).

From the police blotter as reprinted in a Buffalo weekly — Unknown person(s) did take his refrigerator, and stove. Person(s) also left bathroom sink faucet on. (You don’t have to be Rick Pfeiffer to sleuth this one out. Unless Superman has gone rogue, we’re betting on multiple miscreants).

From the sheriff’s report as reprinted in a weekly — Staley Road, reckless operation – Deputies were flagged down by a passing motorist who stated a Niagara Frontier Transportation Authority bus was traveling in the wrong direction on South State Parkway. Deputies located the bus and advised the driver who stated he was unfamiliar with his route. (Perhaps he thought he was on Gulf of Mexico Drive. Anyway, we hope this validates somebody’s excuse for getting home late.

From the same sheriff’s report — Generic Lane, larceny — A complainant stated that, sometime in recent hours, someone stole stereo speakers from his yard. The speakers were located after the complainant spoke to a family member, who had taken them to help the complainant transport them. (Now we DO need Rick Pfeiffer. It seems as if somebody asked for help, got it, then called the fuzz.)

And finally ... From another sheriff’s report — A complainant stated that an unfamiliar male subject was knocking on his door. When the complainant did not answer, the male subject began to walk back to his vehicle. Deputies located the subject and determined that he was delivering the local newspaper ...

And that’s the state of crime in our Island paradise.

Come visit. Bring a lawyer ...

E-mail Polly and Doug at pollyndoug@hotmail.com

1
Text Only | Photo Reprints
Columns
  • NIA Bradberry, Bill mug BRADBERRY: Tourists attracted here by history, beauty, politics As my friend and colleague, writer Don Glynn has so artfully portrayed over the decades, "For many years after the dawn of aviation, U.S. presidents visiting Western New York started at the Niagara Falls Airport. The reason: The main runway here was longer than that of the Buffalo airport and could easily accommodate Air Force One, the presidential aircraft."

    July 23, 2014 1 Photo

  • NIA Confer, Bob mug CONFER: A constitutional convention is not the answer For the past few years it has been popular for folks of the right persuasion (Republicans and neoconservatives) to call for a constitutional convention ("Con-Con") in hopes of passing a balanced budget amendment (BBA.) A lot of people have jumped on that bandwagon; no doubt your email inbox or Facebook news feeds have shown that.

    July 22, 2014 1 Photo

  • NIA Scheer, Mark mug CITY DESK: Hobel will be missed

    Lost in all the hoopla surrounding last week’s announced retirement of state Sen. George Maziarz, R-Newfane, was the loss of another well-known figure in local government and politics.

    July 21, 2014 1 Photo

  • NIA Higgs, Norma mug HIGGS: More pastors, a new church and more of everything Before I go further back in time, I want to just go back to last week where I took my own advice and spent a couple of hours at the Como, where I enjoyed one of their traditional "parade of bowls and plates of great salads, pasta and meat dishes" and listened to longtime friends of Tom Darro roast him with humor, accolades and best wishes. And best of all no one who came to the microphone mentioned garbage totes or carts. It was a welcome relief.

    July 21, 2014 1 Photo

  • NIA Glynn, Don mug GLYNN: Border Patrol chief examines deadly acts A former Buffalo police chief now has the formidable task of reviewing cases where border agents have used deadly force.

    July 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • SINGER: Nostalgia for nostalgia: Where will it end? Not only has there been a huge nostalgia boom in America, but we're now getting to the point where there's much nostalgia for nostalgia! Maybe signifying that nostalgia will wear itself out, or, as in the old adage, that it ain't what it used to be?

    July 20, 2014

  • NIA Smith, Doug and Polly LETTERS FROM THE ISLAND: Driven to distraction by recent incidents For reasons best left unexplained, Doug drives home from Niagara Falls at twilight many nights, usually alone. It's about 10 miles, 15 minutes, from pressbox to driveway. He exits I-190 at the Beaver Island ramp, hugging its right edge in deference to any mainstream traffic, which would be coming downhill from the left at a 140-degree angle.

    July 19, 2014 1 Photo

  • NIA Hamilton, Ken mug HAMILTON: Council, administrative hypocrisy, and that is the gospel truth If there isn't a walk-on resolution on the Niagara Falls City Council's upcoming last agenda before the August recess to change the zoning back to what it was prior to the South End Niagara Gospel Rescue Mission opening its hearts and doors, then the city council should just cease its hypocritical practice of even saying prayers before the meeting.

    July 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • NIA Glynn, Don mug 071714 GLYNN: Hochul retains a low profile as running mate If you're still not convinced that politics makes strange bedfellows, consider the report claiming Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo has been keeping his running mate out of the spotlight.

    July 17, 2014 1 Photo

  • NIA DeLuca, Michele mug DELUCA: Chiropractic doc wants to help area vets

    The idea came to her when she was running a half-marathon in June. Kristin Jacobsen is that type of person. The Pine Avenue chiropractor says she gets her best ideas when she runs. She also uses that time to pray.

    July 16, 2014 1 Photo

Featured Ads
House Ads
AP Video
EPA Gets Hip With Kardashian Tweet Bodies of MH17 Victims Arrive in the Netherlands Biden Decries Voting Restrictions in NAACP Talk Broncos Owner Steps Down Due to Alzheimer's US, UN Push Shuttle Diplomacy in Mideast Trump: DC Hotel Will Be Among World's Best Plane Crashes in Taiwan, Dozens Feared Dead Republicans Hold a Hearing on IRS Lost Emails Raw: Mourners Gather As MH17 Bodies Transported Robot Parking Valet Creates Stress-free Travel Raw: MH17 Bodies Arrive in Netherlands Raw: Fight Breaks Out in Ukraine Parliament Disabled Veterans Memorial Nearing Completion Last Mass Lynching in U.S. Remains Unsolved Home-sharing Programs Help Seniors Ex-NYC Mayor: US Should Allow Flights to Israel Clinton: "AIDS-Free Generation Within Our Reach" Judge Ponders Overturning Colo. Gay Marriage Ban Airlines Halt Travel to Israel Amid Violence Police Probing Brooklyn Bridge Flag Switch
Opinion
House Ads
Night & Day
Twitter News
Follow us on twitter
Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide
Front page