Niagara Gazette

Columns

April 19, 2014

LETTERS FROM THE ISLAND: Home alone on the Island

Niagara Gazette — Hi, honey on the Mainland — Yeah, you know who I mean. Hard to start this project without you but deadline looms and you’re still bein’ Nana, the role you were born to play. I know, I know, if you’d known grandchildren were this much fun, you’d have had them first.

Seriously, things going well and no worries. Hit Tops this morning to pile up enough gas points to come retrieve you (any of our friends need some extra cheese?) and caught the express-line cashier looking toward the door. “Don’t you dare go to lunch,” I told her. “Hey, I been waitin’ for you,” she said. “If I had a nickel for every time I heard that,” I said in my best Drew Carey. “You’d have a nickel,” she answered. It was like talking to you.

Can you help me with the bedroom TV? I tried to phone you with the handset on the nightstand but when I touch-toned in the numbers, the TV went off ESPN to the Smithsonian Channel. Handset has a lot of other things on it, arrows and such. I haven’t the remotest idea what’s going on there. (Really, there are stations besides ESPN?)

Feeding myself well. And you thought I didn’t know my way around the kitchen! Got one question, though. Which do you put in the bowl first, the corn flakes or the milk?

Took your car to the auto-wash but the first bay wouldn’t take my money; actually, it took the money, it just wouldn’t admit it. After going oh-for-one there, moved over to the next bay, where the wax and rinse were reversed, so it’s gonna’ look shiny in places it shouldn’t. The sign out front says “Under New Management” with a phone number. Called the number but it went to a voice mail with a three-second record time. For another quarter, can I have the old management back?

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Columns
  • NIA Smith, Doug and Polly LETTERS FROM THE ISLAND: Quest for an appointment comes up short We're rolling up our sleeves for Quest. The Big Mac of blood tests, the Tops of tourniquets, the Sears of screenings, opens on our Island at Monday's crack of dawn.

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  • NIA Davis, Vincent mug VINCENT DAVIS: Pledge your allegiance to the Slurpee, America's treat By now you must be aware that it is, in fact, summer. And since summer is a season not characterized by any obvious weather events (sometimes it's hot for days in a row, sometimes you get a bunch of rainy days and chilly nights) but instead activities, I'd like to bring attention to an underrated staple of summer sun enjoyment: Consuming the brain freeze-inducing snack classic, the Slurpee.

    July 26, 2014 1 Photo

  • NIA Hamilton, Ken mug HAMILTON: Popeye's '7-Minute' guide to educating southerners -- and me! Writer Mark Twain said that when he 14, his father was so ignorant that he could hardly stand to have the old man around. But upon turning 21, Twain said that he was astonished by how much his father had learned in just seven years.

    July 25, 2014 1 Photo

  • NIA DeLuca, Michele mug DELUCA: Wegmans call warns of bad fruit I was humming to myself the other day, getting ready for work on a lovely summer morning, when I decided to check my messages on the house phone. I hit the play button and heard a message from Wegmans warning me about some fruit that I had bought at their store. As quick as that, a message with the scary potential to change my life or the life of someone I love.

    July 24, 2014 1 Photo

  • NIA Glynn, Don mug GLYNN: Ortt jumps on drive to repeal the SAFE Act It was a no-brainer for North Tonawanda Mayor Rob Ortt, a Republican candidate for the 62nd Senate District seat, to join the forces to repeal the state's SAFE Act.

    July 24, 2014 1 Photo

  • Verplank: Turn back the clock at the Porter Cup

    July 24, 2014

  • NIA Bradberry, Bill mug BRADBERRY: Tourists attracted here by history, beauty, politics As my friend and colleague, writer Don Glynn has so artfully portrayed over the decades, "For many years after the dawn of aviation, U.S. presidents visiting Western New York started at the Niagara Falls Airport. The reason: The main runway here was longer than that of the Buffalo airport and could easily accommodate Air Force One, the presidential aircraft."

    July 23, 2014 1 Photo

  • NIA Confer, Bob mug CONFER: A constitutional convention is not the answer For the past few years it has been popular for folks of the right persuasion (Republicans and neoconservatives) to call for a constitutional convention ("Con-Con") in hopes of passing a balanced budget amendment (BBA.) A lot of people have jumped on that bandwagon; no doubt your email inbox or Facebook news feeds have shown that.

    July 22, 2014 1 Photo

  • NIA Scheer, Mark mug CITY DESK: Hobel will be missed

    Lost in all the hoopla surrounding last week’s announced retirement of state Sen. George Maziarz, R-Newfane, was the loss of another well-known figure in local government and politics.

    July 21, 2014 1 Photo

  • NIA Higgs, Norma mug HIGGS: More pastors, a new church and more of everything Before I go further back in time, I want to just go back to last week where I took my own advice and spent a couple of hours at the Como, where I enjoyed one of their traditional "parade of bowls and plates of great salads, pasta and meat dishes" and listened to longtime friends of Tom Darro roast him with humor, accolades and best wishes. And best of all no one who came to the microphone mentioned garbage totes or carts. It was a welcome relief.

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