Niagara Gazette

Columns

April 19, 2014

LETTERS FROM THE ISLAND: Home alone on the Island

Niagara Gazette — Hi, honey on the Mainland — Yeah, you know who I mean. Hard to start this project without you but deadline looms and you’re still bein’ Nana, the role you were born to play. I know, I know, if you’d known grandchildren were this much fun, you’d have had them first.

Seriously, things going well and no worries. Hit Tops this morning to pile up enough gas points to come retrieve you (any of our friends need some extra cheese?) and caught the express-line cashier looking toward the door. “Don’t you dare go to lunch,” I told her. “Hey, I been waitin’ for you,” she said. “If I had a nickel for every time I heard that,” I said in my best Drew Carey. “You’d have a nickel,” she answered. It was like talking to you.

Can you help me with the bedroom TV? I tried to phone you with the handset on the nightstand but when I touch-toned in the numbers, the TV went off ESPN to the Smithsonian Channel. Handset has a lot of other things on it, arrows and such. I haven’t the remotest idea what’s going on there. (Really, there are stations besides ESPN?)

Feeding myself well. And you thought I didn’t know my way around the kitchen! Got one question, though. Which do you put in the bowl first, the corn flakes or the milk?

Took your car to the auto-wash but the first bay wouldn’t take my money; actually, it took the money, it just wouldn’t admit it. After going oh-for-one there, moved over to the next bay, where the wax and rinse were reversed, so it’s gonna’ look shiny in places it shouldn’t. The sign out front says “Under New Management” with a phone number. Called the number but it went to a voice mail with a three-second record time. For another quarter, can I have the old management back?

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