Vincent Davis II
Niagara Gazette — This might be controversial, but I think we may be living in the most boring period in recorded human history.
“Back to the Future II” portrayed people fighting groups of street toughs in the middle of public fountains, having Nikes auto-strap their Velcro and spending time dodging hologram advertisements for a reboot of “Jaws.” But here I am, strapping my shoes by hand and waiting for a cashier’s cheque in Hollywood to clear so Michael Bay can start filming the inevitable ‘Jaws’ reboot that we’ll all pay $20 to see in 3D.
I spent a significant amount of time this week reading and re-reading an article about a guy who after drinking eight beers swam from Canada to Detroit and back, to prove to his bros that he could. While I respect the incredible dedication and lack of forethought it takes to brave the waters of an active shipping route and cause an international incident resulting in a helicopter search and a $5,000 fine, just to establish dominance in your Call of Duty team; If this were July 1775 we’d be reading about Benjamin Franklin being installed as the First Postmaster general. People in 1788 New York would be pumped about becoming the 11th state to ratify the US Constitution (July 26th 1788). There was a lot going on.
Here I am with a Google News alert for “Kanye West Royal Baby.” I really want to know how he feels about it.
It’s easy to look at the ‘golden days’ of years passed and cherry-pick the good times, especially when you realize that there is so much more history then there is ‘present day.’ But not everything was great.
People in 1969 got to watch the first moon landing, but their roller skates had metal wheels. Would you trade your smooth rollerblades in for real time grainy footage of Neil Armstrong? No thanks, I’ll take my web feed of the mars rover, please.
Here we are in the mid-summer news lull. A time when hard hitting news, intense political debate and major sports that aren’t non-playoffs baseball take a recess. Things are about to get boring. But as you read this, realize that eventually it will appear on the internet, where Google and the Smithsonian will cache it and back it up to super storage that will last until aliens, or a super advanced human civilization that comes back to earth for an archeological mission, find it. That’s right, there’s a chance that everything on the internet, or transmitted over the airwaves will be read and heard in space.
In 2012 archeologists found the world’s oldest ‘Yo, Momma’ joke inscribed on a 3,500 year old Babylonian tablet, it was huge news. Imagine people 3,500 years from now uncovering an ancient cell phone with the oldest “where you at?” text message or a news clipping about Dennis Rodman attending a Mercedes-Benz fashion show in Miami (July 25, 2013). Any news is big news if it takes long enough to be heard.
It’s when times are the slowest that we can stop and appreciate something as simple as wireless internet — but cherish these quiet times, in a thousand years they might be the biggest news in the archeological world.Vincent Davis II is a Cornell graduate, DJ, and market development specialist in the IT industry. He can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.