Niagara Gazette

Columns

October 19, 2012

Finally, a surprise

Niagara Gazette — When it comes to crime, it really, really, is hard to surprise me.

Forget about shock, nothing criminal shocks me anymore. But every once in awhile, I pick up a report with a truly new twist that leaves me going, "Hmmmm."

Such was the case in the petit larceny arrest of Julian Martinez. 

Martinez was employed by a company that did contracted cleaning work for a Niagara Falls Boulevard Department store back in July. In the early morning hours of July 23, Martinez was sweeping the sales floor, when he saw a pair of packaged underwear lying on the floor.

Ever efficient, Martinez proceed to sweep the package of underwear into a dust pan and then took it to what was described in the police report as "the cleaning area, which is past all points of purchase." Of course, the store was closed so all the points of purchase were closed anyway.

Now this is where the story gets a little, well, icky. Martinez took the pair of underwear out of its packaging and, the police report notes, "concealed the (underwear) in his waistline."

Put more bluntly later in the report, Martinez put the underwear on and was wearing the $11.99 pair of shorts when a store manager confronted him.

I know some folks claim desperation when they are caught stealing. But how desperate do you have to be to garbage pick underwear from a store and try to wear it home.

Say what?

Police dispatchers, especially those in the Falls, have one of the toughest jobs I can imagine.

I mean, they are the folks who have to remain claim, cool and collected when everything around them is in chaos. If you listen to them as regularly as I do, you can't help but be impressed with their professionalism.

They can also, sometimes, when they are speaking that shorthand language called "policize," say some of the funniest things you're heard.

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